31 Days of Horror: Viral (2016; R; 85 mins.)

Watching a virus-themed movie that was made pre-Covid when it’s five years post-Covid, some of the wearing-masks-as-bras, quarantine-breaking-parties, and yay-no-school jokes land a bit differently. But, this is a teen flick, so I didn’t have super high hopes anyway.

When Emma and Stacey, along with their teacher/virus expert dad Michael, move to a new town (their mom is flying in soon), Emma is slowly making new friends. Annoying older sis Stacey, with an attitude the size of the surrounding cliffs, has already found a plus-one, CJ, and is trying to set Emma up with neighbor Evan. News reports suddenly surface of a mysterious China-based outbreak. Soon, Emma’s only friend is infected, and Michael heads to the airport to retrieve their mother, leaving the girls with two very important instructions: no fighting and no boys. Hmmm. I would have thought the virus expert teacher would have said something about staying inside and washing their hands.

When the town is quarantined almost immediately, the girls are on their own. But don’t fear: within hours, supplies are airlifted to each and every household, including masks, food, flares, and other essentials! However, the girls are bored, so of course they head out to a local party. Connections are made. Friendships (and more) blossom. Mask bras are worn. That is, until an infected teen begins ravaging everyone there and the girls, along with CJ and Evan, must escape. With nearly 1/2 the movie left, of course they do, but are we sure they’re all still, um, pure? No, not in that way. As in, uninfected?

As the neighbors are taken over by the worm-like “things” and the military seizes control of the area (even forcing the girls to strip down for a check at one point), the teens continue to make questionable decisions (that pesky un-developed frontal lobe!). Will they escape the virus? Will Emma and Evan ever kiss? Is Stacey destined to always be the worst big sister ever? Will their parents ever make it back from the airport? Tune in to find out…if you dare care.

Top Scare: Infected’s Sudden Appearance

Hearbeats: 1 1/2 out of 5

Gore Factor: 2 out of 5

Scare Factor: 1 1/2 out of 5

Recommended for: 15 and up

31 Days of Horror: Cabin Fever (2002; R; 93 mins.)

Thinking I’d enjoy a throwback movie set in the woods, I happened upon this multi-award winning (horror awards) movie from a couple of decades ago by Eli Roth and thought, sounds good! Um, no.

When a group of college grads decide to head out to an isolated cabin for a week, they quickly discover the nearby townspeople are, well, interesting. At the cabin itself, the friends’ personalities start to shine through, with Backwoods Bert taking a gun out to shoot squirrels, yet accidentally hitting a flesh eating virus-infected local who is hiding out in the woods instead. The local survives and shows up at the cabin later that night, but Bert convinces his friends to set the man on fire. Afterwards, the crispy crazy falls into the town’s water reservoir and dies, infecting the drinking water.

Of course, it isn’t long before one of the friends drinks some of the water and shows signs of infection too. Her “friends” turn on her, but soon others are infected and townies take it upon themselves to try to quash this outbreak in a very final way. Throw in crazed animals, a weird cop, dead cell phones, and other horror clichés and you’re sure to understand why it was all I could do to watch this movie to its end.

If you’re looking for a good horror movie set in the woods, you won’t go wrong with Deliverance, The Blair Witch Project, or The Ritual. Save yourself some time and choose one of them instead of Cabin Fever for your 31 Days of Horror.

• Top Scare: Peer Pressure
• Heartbeats: 1 1/2 out of 5
• Gore Factor: 3 1/4 out of 5
• Scare Factor: 1 3/4 out of 5
• Recommended for: 16 and up due to violence, sex, and gore