midwest musings

Several years ago I started a blog (midwest musings) to feature my musings on parenthood, bad drivers, and horror movies, to name a few. It quickly garnered a small following, and has been a place for me to share my odd humor-and love of horror-ever since. Below are two blog posts from midwest musings. Find more by clicking on the calendar to the right (most October postings will be 31 Days of Horror movie reviews and other Halloween-related posts).

Bacon Heaven: A Gift for Every Bacon Lover

bacon doormat(Bacon Doormat)

Still searching for that just-right gift for a special someone this holiday season? You know who I’m talking about: that certain person in your life who seems to have everything, want nothing, and deserve, well, something. I have compiled the ultimate guide sure to make everyone on your list happy. Because everyone LOVES bacon (proven fact: even if they don’t like to eat it, everyone loves to smell it!).

BACON, IT’S WHAT’S FOR EVERY MEAL

extra bacon

For your friends and family members who do love to eat bacon, but still can’t get enough of that crunchy, meaty flavor, try these gift ideas:

squeeze bacon                     peanut butter bacon cookies   Bacon Bacon ice creambacon apple pie

bacon hot sauce                    baconnaise

And to top it all off: Bacon Beer in a Bacon Mug

bacon mug

WORK IT, BACON

For that fashion-forward person who can pull off anything:

bacon sweatshirt                                    bacon underwear

bacon high topsbacon swimsuitbacon high heels
bacon suit

bacon tie 2

bacon tie 1

BACON GETS PERSONAL

Great add-on gifts and stocking stuffers:

bacon balmbacon sunscreengummy bacon bacon toothpaste bacon soap bacon mints bacon gum bacon floss bacon drink tabs  bacon candy cane bacon bandages

BACON HERE, BACON THERE, BACON BACON EVERYWHERE

Still haven’t found something that seems just right? Give these and you’re sure to be remembered:

bacon walletbacon tattoobacon skull mugbacon rosesbacon poetry kit
bacon candlebacon clockbacon board game

Still looking? Here’s the ULTIMATE idea:

Kevin-Bacon

(Portrait of Kevin Bacon. Medium: Bacon)

Finally, after all this bacon, you might want to consider a more, um, long-term gift:

bacon casket

Just be sure to wrap it up the right way. No, not this:

bacon wrap

This:

bacon wrapped

The Difference Between Men and Women

January 2015

galaxy

By now you’ve surely heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, right? Well, it’s been over twenty years since John Gray’s book of that name brought this to our attention, yet the fact remains: the two sexes could not be any different if they tried.

I’ve compiled a small sampling of reasons we are orbiting this world on not just different planets, but in entirely different galaxies as well:

Men: Use all-in-one shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, aftershave, body soap, and toothpaste.

Women: Use 23 different products for hair alone.

Men: Sort laundry into “mud,” “sweat,” and “track marks,” all washed on Super in scalding hot water with a dash of bleach.

Women: Use special mesh bags for delicates, and different detergents for “cold wash,” “whites,” “regular,” “brights,” and “that time of the month.”

sorted laundry

Men: Idea of a romantic evening is letting her have the first hot wing and sip of beer at a local sports bar.

Women: Will scrub, wax, and pluck for hours to prepare for a date until even CSI couldn’t find a trace of DNA.

Men: Feeds the kids pizza, hot dogs, and mac & cheese 4 times a week.

Women: Tracks the USDA progress for each child on an hourly basis.

Hooters_logo

Men: Idea of a perfect vacation is “anywhere as long as there’s a Hooters nearby and a flat screen TV.”

Women: Reads travelers’ reviews sites, subscribes to newsletters, checks out books, and attends seminars just for a weekend getaway.

Men: Thinks wearing underwear on his head and calling it a hat is funny.

Women: Likes RomComs and Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions.

breakfast of champions

Men: Dances like a robot or The Walking Dead.

Women: Takes ballroom dance lessons and Zumba fitness classes for fun.

Men: Spends free time playing sports until he pulls or tears something internally.

Women: Free time…haha!

frazzled mom

 

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One response to “midwest musings

  1. I might know someone who may have inspired some of this!. 🙂 But pizza only 4 times a week. There is an understatement.

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