Several years ago I started a blog (midwest musings) to feature my musings on parenthood, bad drivers, and horror movies, to name a few. It
quickly garnered a small following, and has been a place for me to share my odd humor-and love of horror-ever since. Below are two blog posts from midwest musings. Find more by clicking on the calendar to the right (most October postings will be 31 Days of Horror movie reviews and other Halloween-related posts).
Bacon Heaven: A Gift for Every Bacon Lover
Still searching for that just-right gift for a special someone this holiday season? You know who I’m talking about: that certain person in your life who seems to have everything, want nothing, and deserve, well, something. I have compiled the ultimate guide sure to make everyone on your list happy. Because everyone LOVES bacon (
proven fact: even if they don’t like to eat it, everyone loves to smell it!).
BACON, IT’S WHAT’S FOR EVERY MEAL
For your friends and family members who do love to eat bacon, but still can’t get enough of that crunchy, meaty flavor, try these gift ideas:
And to top it all off: Bacon Beer in a Bacon Mug
WORK IT, BACON
For that fashion-forward person who can pull off anything:
BACON GETS PERSONAL
Great add-on gifts and stocking stuffers:
BACON HERE, BACON THERE, BACON BACON EVERYWHERE
Still haven’t found something that seems just right? Give these and you’re sure to be remembered:
Still looking? Here’s the ULTIMATE idea:
(Portrait of Kevin Bacon. Medium: Bacon)
Finally, after all this bacon, you might want to consider a more, um, long-term gift:
Just be sure to wrap it up the right way. No, not this:
The Difference Between Men and Women
By now you’ve surely heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, right? Well, it’s been over twenty years since John Gray’s book of that name brought this to our attention, yet the fact remains: the two sexes could not be any different if they tried.
I’ve compiled a small sampling of reasons we are orbiting this world on not just different planets, but in entirely different galaxies as well:
Men: Use all-in-one shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, aftershave, body soap, and toothpaste.
Women: Use 23 different products for hair alone.
Men: Sort laundry into “mud,” “sweat,” and “track marks,” all washed on Super in scalding hot water with a dash of bleach.
Women: Use special mesh bags for delicates, and different detergents for “cold wash,” “whites,” “regular,” “brights,” and “that time of the month.”
Men: Idea of a romantic evening is letting her have the first hot wing and sip of beer at a local sports bar.
Women: Will scrub, wax, and pluck for hours to prepare for a date until even CSI couldn’t find a trace of DNA.
Men: Feeds the kids pizza, hot dogs, and mac & cheese 4 times a week.
Women: Tracks the USDA progress for each child on an hourly basis.
Men: Idea of a perfect vacation is “anywhere as long as there’s a Hooters nearby and a flat screen TV.”
Women: Reads travelers’ reviews sites, subscribes to newsletters, checks out books, and attends seminars just for a weekend getaway.
Men: Thinks wearing underwear on his head and calling it a hat is funny.
Women: Likes RomComs and Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions.
Men: Dances like a robot or The Walking Dead.
Women: Takes ballroom dance lessons and Zumba fitness classes for fun.
Men: Spends free time playing sports until he pulls or tears something internally.
Women: Free time…haha!