Monthly Archives: November 2011

Where Do All the Lonely Socks Go?

As a mom of two busy teens and a, um, how shall I say it, slightly scatter-brained tween, not to mention wife of a computer-geek kind of guy, and a pretty organized person in general, I pride myself on what my family views as my insider’s knowledge. Seems moms worldwide are the keepers of this knowledge: “Honey, where is my…?” and “Mom, have you seen my…” are familiar refrains in my household and millions of others. In fact, just the other day my hubby asked where he might find his painstakinly hand-colored topographical map of a favorite hiking area, one I haven’t seen in years. And my 13-year-old awakened me from a deep sleep to discover the whereabouts of her sister’s sleeping bag. Both items were needed for a trip they were taking the next day. And both items were uncovered in minutes instead of hours thanks to my guidance.

With all this insider’s knowledge, however, one mystery remains and dogs my every attempt at organization: where do all the lonely socks go? I’ve searched high and low: reached under dust ruffles, riffled through dress-up boxes, rubbed hands inside pants legs, even (almost) ripped open the dryer vent, all in an effort to bring peace to my days and an end to this endless search.

This question is not mine alone, for entire industries have grown up around this enigma. LittleMissMatched is a company that earned $32 million in 2008 by selling three-packs of socks THAT DON’T MATCH! They even highlight the plight of lost socks with a Lost Sock Memorial Day on May 9th each year (is it merely coincidence that this is my “I-can’t-find-my-sock” tween’s birthday? I think not!).

Of course, no one really needs to spend a penny to be in style these days if all you have to do is wear mismatched socks. If you’re like me, you already have a large pile to choose from each day; at last count, my pile of lonely socks topped 20! They may not be as colorful and clever-looking as the ones from the store, but at least they won’t be lonely anymore. And if their match ever does miraculously show up? Ha ha ha…well, we all know that will never happen. So if you see me walking around this week with one crew sock in blue stripes and one no-show in purple polka-dots, just nod your head and think to yourself, “Those are two less lonely socks in this world thanks to Tanya.”

Your Morning Pick-Me-Up

Note: This is a blog post from last year I am sending to the archives. If you’ve read it before, just skip. Otherwise, enjoy!

Being a writer/journalist, every morning I look forward to my steaming hot mug of coffee and a browse through my local newspaper. Sure there’s the latest depressing news on natural disasters (I think if I lived in a country with 40 or more volcanoes in what is termed the “Ring of Fire,” I might consider living somewhere other than in a valley), political issues (Congress votes to ban pennies), economic crises (This just in: Dollar now worth 8 cents!) and lost pets (Lost: three-legged Husky/Collie/Bulldog mix, blind in left eye and hard of hearing, answers to the name “Lucky” and last seen in the valley near Mount Pinujab).

But there’s also my very favorite section to which I look forward every day: the Police Beat.

Of course, I browse the listings each day to be an informed citizen…it’s important to know what kind of crazies I’ll encounter as I triple-lock my front door and head out on my errands and adventures. I also like to know what kind of crime wave is occuring in my rural area (unexplainably, there seem to be a lot of missing jars of pennies these days), which neighbors have been arrested for theft or DWI (and yes, there have been a few…think I’ll re-check my dinner party list as I browse), and who has been passing bad checks for clearance meat at the local Wal-Mart store (ewww!).

But more importantly, I read for entertainment. To bring a bright spot to my morning. See, I have discovered even Dave Barry and Dave Letterman would have a hard time topping these true gems:

  • 3600 Block of South Walnut Street, 2:10 a.m. Sunday, a man complained that his girlfriend’s  husband hit him in the face after finding them together in his house. Said he did nothing to provoke him, and couldn’t understand why he was assaulted. Suspect under investigation. [Maybe the police should be investigating the complaintants’ teachers as they clearly failed him in the smarts department!]
  • 400 Block East 20th Street, 12:02 a.m. Wednesday, a 20-year-old man reported he gave someone $60 for marijuana, and after taking the money the person sped away in a vehicle without giving him anything. [Officer, I have a medical condition…]
  • 1000 Block South Rogers Street, 12:56 p.m. Monday, a woman reported someone fraudently signed her up for approximately 100 magazine subscriptions, which she is now receiving. Police reported the suspect lives several states away. [Just use a change of address form, hon, and they’ll all suddenly be delivered “several states away.”]
  • 600 Block North College Avenue, 10:55 p.m. Saturday, a 30-year-old man was arrested after he reportedly hit himself in the head with a beer bottle. Police determined he was intoxicated and took him to the hospital for his injuries. [Well of course he was intoxicated…not many of us are hitting ourselves over the head after a half-caff venti mocha frapp!]
  • 2900 Block South Walnut Street Pike, 3:03 p.m. Wednesday, a woman reported someone knocked the lid off her beehive and the bees escaped. She found several bees were dead. No suspects. [Wanted: roly poly bear last seen in red shirt, answers to the name of Pooh]

Ah, the list is endless, and endlessly entertaining! So if you are needing a bit of a pick-me-up and can’t wait for your local barista to finish your half-caff, enjoy yourself as you peruse your local Police Beat section. Just be sure to have your dinner party list handy as you read and keep your penny jar tucked safely away.

Speaking My Thoughts, Living My Life, Loving My Country

This morning I was at the drive-thru window getting my a.m. pick-me-up (aka sweet tea). As I waited to move forward, I glanced in my rearview mirror and noticed the, um, lovely gentleman behind me applying his eyeshadow and mascara for the day. And recently while visiting one of those dark, neon-y stores, its walls throbbing with screamo music, in order to purchase a gift card for a funky teen I know who has beautiful blonde hair but prefers purple and fuschia instead, the salesclerk greeted me in full-length denim skirt over his combat boots. Both times, I was barely fazed…I DO live in a progressive college town, after all. But more than that, I was glad, thankful even, that I live in a country where we are each allowed to express our individuality, our true selves, in outward appearances as well as our choice of vocation, location, and admiration, to name a few.

This morning, the first Tuesday in November, I overheard someone complaining that they “hate Election Day, with all the signs up…blah, blah, blah.” And because we live in this great country, that person can say that without worry or fear of retaliation or violence. But it is precisely because of this Election Day that I am reminded of others who are not so lucky, not so free, to express their thoughts, their worries, their likes and dislikes. And I am ever so grateful to call the United States of America my home. With all of our problems and all of our issues, we are still the best place to live in the world.

As Veteran’s Day approaches later this week, I will express my gratitude even louder, even more passionately, to let everyone serving our country know, that I know they are what keeps our country free and makes it possible for full-length denim skirts and combat boots, fuschia hair, and all the other millions of expressions of self we are free to enjoy on a daily basis. They are what make it possible for me to sit here right now, speaking my thoughts, living my life, loving my country. And for all of that and more, I say Thank You!