31 Days of Horror: The Haunting of Sorority Row (2007; Unrated; 86 min)

If you like a good laugh with your “horror,” this is a good movie for you. Not that the movie is funny. But you will laugh AT the movie as you watch it, it is that bad!

A Lifetime made-for-TV movie (that should have been the tipoff, right there!), this wanna-be horror movie is set in a college sorority during Hell Week. Sam is a freshman pledge trying to balance sorority hazing rituals by queen-bee “sisters,” with homework and a nerdy boyfriend, Oliver (her high school sweetheart who is obsessed with ESP and the paranormal).

Now, this is a big, old sorority house, with long hallways of rooms, yet we only see about 10 total “sisters” the entire time. And 5 of them are pledges. So when one by one, the sisters start breathing in (or out) a cold fog, and disappearing or dying, the house gets pretty empty, pretty fast. Add in the mysterious disappearance exactly one year ago of a freshman pledge, and you get the basic plot idea. The burning, no, freezing, questions are: will Sam escape the killer cold-fog, will Oliver or a new boy named Spencer capture Sam’s heart, will the queen-bee hazers get their come-uppance, and will anyone stay awake past the first 20 minutes to even find out?

  • Top Scare: hahahahah
  • Heartbeats: 1 out of 5
  • Gore factor: 2 out of 5
  • Suspense factor: 2 out of 5
  • Recommended for: 13 and up, if you must
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