31 Days of Horror: Tips Your House Might Be Haunted

It seems people in movies and on TV shows who so obviously live in a house with ghosts or other spirits, just can’t accept the fact that houses should not glow and doors should not suddenly lock or unlock on their own. They don’t seem to believe their house truly is hosting a party of the paranormal, and so call in the “experts” to take readings and the such, when in fact, all they really need to do is refer to my handy checklist below. It’s specially designed to take the guesswork out of the haunting once and for all!

Simply put a G (for Ghost) next to any of the items below you have experienced in the past year or which describe your living situation. Then total up your G’s and refer to the chart at the bottom to discover whether your house is merely a bit “different” or whether you need to hightail it out of there ASAP!

1. Your house sits on top of, or near, an ancient Indian burial ground, or a pet or other cemetery.

2. You have a housekeeper or butler, of indeterminate age, who “came with” the house.

3. Your house seems to attract lots of flies or spiders.

4. Your house’s upstairs windows look like evil eyes.

5. A kooky person nearby is always warning you, “That place is evil!” or “You’re gonna die!”

6. You have a door under your main staircase which always seems to lock on its own, or pull-down attic stairs which always seem to be calling you forth.

7. Your dog barks at thin air and your cats screech at the basement door.

8. Your realtor mentioned once (very quickly and quietly) that another lovely family just like yours had once lived there, and no one seems to remember where they moved on to.

9. Your basement hosts an old, creaky elevator used in olden days to transport animals for slaughter and curing.

10. You often think you hear angelic children singing when you light a fire in the fireplace.

1-3 G’s: Consider having your house blessed.

4-6 G’s: Call in The Exorcist.

7-10 G’s: Burn the place down and move to Rome.

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5 responses to “31 Days of Horror: Tips Your House Might Be Haunted

  1. Too funny! I know what you mean though: when I watch movies, I always yell out, “what are you guys, daft??? Any sane person would be outta there by now”. ;D

  2. SO much fun! Aside from the randomly barking dog, I think we’re OK. Whew!

  3. Pingback: 31 Days of Horror: Tips Your House Might Be Haunted | midwest musings

  4. Maybe there’s a reason Jazz barks all the time 🙂

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